If we are ever separated, find me here by Andrew Boulton
Shortlisted for the second Lunate 500 competition
‘One of the most purely captivating stories on the shortlist. There is often an appealingly madcap quality to Andrew's writing, mirroring his unique worldview. Of late, his work has developed into something more rangy and enquiring. His signature is distinct and yet his subject matter is hugely varied. If we are ever separated… plays with form beautifully, leading the reader to… where, exactly? The quietly devastating closing is expertly crafted.’
(Lunate editors)
***
Great friend, follow these instructions.
Find a cave that is only just big enough for you – if you bend slightly at the knees and the shoulders.
(There is only one such cave. I have measured them based on how I remember you in crouch pose.)
Turn left and keep walking until you see a downy birch.
(I know you are bad with tree names so I have varnished it. It is the only shiny tree in the woods.)
Keep going straight towards any cloud that looks like the part of your body you hate most.
When the cloud is pulled apart, follow the medium fragment.
Arrive at a cliff.
Jump off the cliff.
(The cliff may look too high but I have replaced a large boulder below with camouflaged sponge.)
(The safe rock is the one no birds will land on.)
Turn right.
Turn right.
Turn right.
You are back at the sponge rock. A joke.
Turn right.
Look up at the sun (carefully).
Wait for a pintail (it must be a pintail) to fly directly across the sun. Go the opposite way to that pintail.
Follow the stream.
Follow the rolling moss.
Follow the line of cows from the whitest to the brownest.
Stop at the bench but do not talk to the man next to you.
Even when he talks directly to you, don’t say a word.
He will be confused, then upset and then violently angry.
Allow him to strike you in the mouth, but only once.
When the man walks away, shout ‘FAREWELL’.
(Your mouth will most likely be bloody so be sure to shout the word clearly.)
Run from the man when he chases you.
Hide from him in the abandoned orchid house.
Sleep a while.
When the sun has almost gone down, exit the house and turn slightly left, then slight right.
Walk ahead.
Walk away from the lights.
Walk away from the skyglow.
Walk until you feel a pain that is not quite your chest and not quite your back.
A pain in the very dead centre of your body.
Walk until the pain becomes unbearable and you think you will die the very second you lift your foot.
Lift your foot.
Lie on the ground and look up at the night.
Do not look directly at any one star, instead find a small gap between stars and stare directly into that.
Think about why we are apart.
Think about why I left.
Think about why I made you find me this way.
Do not sleep. I will be there soon.